Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Current reflections on past days

Gosh, I don't even know where to start.  So much has happened in my life, and by "my life" I mean the past few months.  So much is different from where it was last august. August and forward was such a marvelous time in my life.  Lately I feel I've been doing a lot of reflecting through music.  It's kind of weird, I go through music phases and those phases tend to be theme songs to whatever happens to be going on in my life.  So, here I am now, here in Montana, and I've been doing a lot of time travel.  I think it started when I started listening to The Format's, Interventions and lullabies. I think that cd was one that kind of started of the phase of my friendship with my dear friend Elba. It takes me back to my dorm room, me sitting on the bed, her on the floor, back when we didnt even have a tv plugged into the wall. It was still wicked humid and way too hot for anyone.  It reminds me of like this start of a semester of Baylor. Such great times when on with this music playing in the background, such great things happened man.  Then there is Jars of Clay's Good Monsters cd. That one kind of came after and during that first part of the year.  It reminds me of when I just kind of hung out with myself or did random things, especially "Dead Man (Carry Me)". I think I did some random dancing to that song.  It's kind of weird how that cd brought back more feelings rather than memories, nonetheless, it was good.  Then there was Robbie Seay Band. After I purchased Give Yourself Away, I think a lot of things went through my mind.  I remember when I would walk to the complete opposite side of the campus at 7:45 in the morning, I'd turn on my iPod and listen to "New Day". I remember I'd be walking and just be like, man, this is the best way to start of my day. Usually the sun was kind of rising, by like in the sky at the same time, the weather would be cool and I would encounter so many trees. If you know about my tree situation in waco, you know that I found them to be so amazing. I found that every time I could look at the branches and find myself in awe of God's creation, in awe of His greatness. I think that listening to the cd reminds me of God and His beauty. I like that cd a lot.  I think toward the end of the semester I found myself listening to a lot of Sufjan Stevens.  I think just the end of the semester was listening to that guy, chicago in particular. Pretty much any time that my computer was open, music was coming out of it (ask alyssa, she'll probably tell you it would be on even if I wasnt there). So, I listened to that so a lot. And by a lot I mean, Elba would refer to any song that I listened to a lot after that would be referred to as "the new chicago". Then came the new Chicago, sleeping at last. I think that the last little bit of my stay in waco would be classified under sleeping at last. I kind of fell in love with the song "Umbrellas" There is just something about that song that sticks on me. But that whole cd just in general is soo good. I find that strings in bands are so amazing, so powerful and so lasting. I love that song. Just really good.  Anyway, I would think that would be the end, but it's just not.  There was every song in between that has a memory to it. There is the cast of rent singing seasons of love, theres macy grey, theres of course alicia keys with no one, dream street, marvin gaye, teardrops on my guitar, pigeon john, pictures of you, toxic and so on and so fourth.  So here I sit now, here alone in my room listening to this music and I dont quite know how to feel. I feel nostalgic, but I feel so much more, I think I feel sad and happy, contemplative and thoughtless, and all of this at the same time.  I wonder, when I find myself in the future, what will I hear that will draw me back to this time that I am in now? What will shiny toy guns hold for me? I've been listening to a lot of copeland lately, what will i feel when I listen to them? What music will draw me back like Robbie Seay once did? All of this I am unsure of, and I dont know what is going to happen, but I do hope I will look back at these music memories and feelings and feel something new, something refreshing, something to be pleased with. I am pleased with my past music memories and feelings, lets keep this on a roll then.  As I leave I am listening to Sleeping at last telling me a few things. I remember those days. Such good times, I just wish I would have appreciated them more when I was in the moment. Sleeping at last says,
"I never wanted you to go.
There’s a voice inside your soul
That resonates through your skin and bone,
Up through the blades of grass,
Underneath the feet of God’s only son.
The war that you’re fighting
Has already been won.
I just want to survive with you by my side. 
With you by my side, I just want to survive."

1 comment:

alaina said...

I know what you mean. Music always brings back memories of certain times in my life. I always remember the good things and feel sad that those moments are gone. Especially with Zachary, he makes time go by even faster it seems.