Wednesday, May 20, 2009


Do you know much about me? Do you know much about the things that are going on in my life? If not, here is something for you to think about. I have been endorsing a healthy lifestyle. 

I say "endorse" because I have been promoting healthy living. I however have been feeling like quite the failure, especially lately. Healthy eating can be fun, but it takes more time. It is also, well not so easy. It gets hard when you have the option of going and grabbing a burger, or eating fresh baked chocolate chip cookies, or eating a bowl of ice cream. I did really well for a little while, but one day I broke. Boy oh boy did I break. I ate some pizza, which just led to peanut m&m's which then led eventually to rocky road ice cream in the evening. That was a sad day. I mourn that day. The next day was better, until I ate ice cream. The next day was also good, until I bought cookie dough. I suppose that was where I made my mistake. I feel like once I fail, well, I just fail. There is no redemption for me. I'm gone, I may as well just sink a little bit deeper. So I did. That is not true though. There is always hope, but for me, with this, I felt too far gone. I ate cookies last night. I ate cookies and tea. This morning my small bowl of cereal turned into a slightly bigger small bowl of cereal. My six cracker tuna lunch turned into an eleven cracker tuna lunch. My peanut snack turned into a cliff bar. Then I thought to myself, I deserve a reese's. That is so wrong. I didn't deserve a reese's. I just wanted it. So I bought it. I also ate it. I am so depressed writing this blog. Where is the good part? Where is the part where I make a come back and show the world what I'm really made of? Hopefully it is coming.

This is not that hope. Today after church I was just going to go somewhere quick, grab food and go home. I was planning out my meal. I could go to taco bell and pay less than two bucks for a couple taco's. I could go to wendy's and get a potato. I could even go to the store and buy stuff.

Then I heard it. My name was called, and as I glanced off to the side there was Jennie calling my name. She had brought herself a nice healthy salad for dinner. I was proud of her devotion to healthy living. I was convicted by my poor, empty claimed healthy living. Who was I kidding. I say healthy living is the way to go, but then I turn around and I'm eating something like a candy bar or worse... drinking a soda. Okay, I didn't go that far. I'm still soda free. Anyway, I digress. I was convicted. There I was, thinking about where I would get my next fix and in that same place my healthy eating buddy is munching on a yummy chicken tomato salad. What a failure I am. 

I was however inspired. I was encouraged. There was Jennie, eating a healthy dinner, with a smile on her face. Could it really have been that bad? I realized right then, it is possible to eat healthy and eat happy. Healthy and happy can go together. Who knew. I feel like I had been kidding myself lately. I feel like I was just saying it to try to convince myself it was true, but this; well this was a genuine example of what healthy living should look like. Happy, healthy, and proud of it. I am so far from that. 

I went to the store instead of investing in a meal that would only lead to my demise. I walked in thinking, convincing myself, a burrito is healthy if I make it right. I ditched that. Sour cream, cheese, tortillas, they all just sounded unhealthy. I was disheartened. I went for my comfort fruit. My comfort fruit is banana, by the way. My eye was instead caught by my comfort vegetable, avocado. I bought an avocado, some lettuce, some chicken and some dressing. I went home, cooked my chicken, made a salad and enjoyed my meal. I now sit in my room, pretty full thinking about how I did okay tonight. Aside from being tempted to just ditch healthy eating and fake it, I did alright. I feel discouraged in my healthiness, but I'm working on that. It just has to be one step at a time I suppose. 

I am going to be of better health. 
God help me.

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