Sunday, June 7, 2009

The things we do for love

Have you ever wondered why I turned out the way I have? Have you ever thought to yourself, "Did her parents feed her paint chips as a child?" I know I've been asked that more times than once. Have you ever pondered the weirdness of me? I have... but not that much. I figure I'm the normal one and all of you guys are the weird ones. Maybe you hypothesized that I was just a Guido. Well, yes, I am a Guido, but not all Guido's are strange and outlandish... I take that back. We all are, but I guess I have more of an explanation to my oddities. 

You see, before I had ever even entered this world, as my innermost being was being created and I was being knit together in my mother's womb, there was, well, to put it best, an incident. Fortunately, none of the involved parties were injured. Actually, I take that back. Most parties involved were injured in one way or another.

Take a look at the above picture. Look at it. Notice that it is one sketchy wall in the middle of one sketchy ditch. Notice how the water is brown. I bet most of you Montana people have never seen such contaminated water. Not only is the water brown, but it is filled with parasites, bugs, diseases and probably decomposing bodies. That may be a bit of a stretch, but now that you have the mental image, imagine just how nasty that water is. Let's put it this way, this water comes from the Rio Grande. Studies have found that this river has been contaminated not only by raw sewage, but also warehouse chemicals that have shown to be toxic not only in general, but in the fish population.  Also, this river creates the border between El Paso and Juarez, Mexico. What that means is this: I wouldn't be surprised if dead bodies were found in this stuff.

I digress. You get the idea. This water is nasty. This particular spot is great for fishing.
My dad is a big fisher. At least, he is as big a fisher you can be when the only fishing areas near by are the rio and the ditches.

When my mom was pregnant with me, precious little me, she went fishing with my dad. This was the site they came to. Now, I wasn't exactly there to remember the story correctly, but I can tell you what I have heard over time. 

My dad decided to cross over this sketchy little wall that went over the canal. My mom, being pregnant with me and wanting to follow my father, decided that she would also cross over the water by way of this sketchy wall. Now, normally, I would be the first to promote such an inadvisable act... HOWEVER... she was preggo. It is not advisable to cross such a rudimentary excuse for a wall bridge ever, especially when with child. 

I am going to give you a minute to think about the next series of events that took place.

If you were thinking, "She probably made it across just fine.", then I would say that you were full of rubbish.

As my mother attempted to crossed over, she fell off of the wall and had a great fall. She fell into the parasitic, disease ridden, dirty, polluted, hazardous water. Next thing you know she was floating down the ditch with her head barely above water.

Once she was rescued from the watery death trap I'm sure she was rushed to the emergency room. Unfortunately, the parasites had already made their way to my little home and were eating away at my brain cells that were just barely being formed. Without any pain medicine, and without any form of any drugs, my dear mother had to fight through the pain of several stitches "down there." My health could not be at risk. My formation could not be jeprodized.  That is love. 

In the end, I was born healthy and strong and I grew up to be perfectly normal... for the most part. Anyway, I thought you would appreciate hearing the story of how I came to be who I am today.

And finally: I really have been asked (I think three times) if I ate paint chips as a child. The first time it was kind of funny. The second time I said it was true. The third time I started to become concerned.


{from the tip of my brain 2 yours} said...

Don't believe a word they say! Paint chips are just another source of unparalleled nutrition, in one way or another. So, take that! you three people who don't see the bright side of an abnormal diet!

Mountiangurl2003 said...

Humm well this explains a lot thank you for sharing.. I also would like to poing out that there are more of us wierd people than "normal" people. I think it is mainly the "normal" people who make the world un-fun. So I think that more people should let their kids swim in the Rio Grande or eat paint chips. I ate a bunch of contaminated Missouri pestiside farm soil when I was young and I also turned out just fine.

Anonymous said...

you need another blog.

Garren and Jayne said...

"Normalisy is a tumor in ones brain."