Sunday, July 12, 2009

Dear Anonymous,

I do not know who you are, nor do I know what you want from me. All I know is that there is a now a gnome who sits on my doorstep taunting me every time I go in or out. I am too afraid (for the most understandable of reasons) to move him. I have not yet had the time to acquaint myself with him, so I know not if he should be of the darker side. I do know that he was not here earlier and that he is now.

I would surely appreciate it if you would come forward and reveal your identity to me before things get out of hand. God forbid that this little gnome have to stay on my doorstep for an eternity serving no purpose other than to cause me to "quake in my boots" whence I leave or arrive at my house. I do not know your intentions in placing an object of such serious implications upon my housing grounds, however, I must inform you now that garden gnomes are nothing to be made a joke of. I hope, for your sake, that you acquired this gnome on good terms, for should he have been unwillingly taken from his home, he may become hostile and seek out revenge.

Again, and finally, I will plead to you to please make known your presence, oh mysterious one.
Although the gesture may have seemed kind or humorous, I fear now for the safety of my family and loved ones.

Sincerely, and with the most concern,
Elisha Guido


Anonymous said...

He looks like he is made of salt.?

Mountiangurl2003 said...

Yah you should go over to the Bermante/Bowers residence and lick him for us just to make sure hes not salt.... What if apon leaving his home he looked back when God told him that he shouldnt and God turned him to salt... then some shifty person came and saw a salt gnome and placed him on your doorstep... you should really look into these things