Monday, October 26, 2009

I have but one word, disgusting

Okay, so here's the deal. This is so gross. I'm not exactly sure how he managed to make it on to, but I think there must not be much filtering going on to check the legitimacy of things posted on that web site. I mean, seriously?

Although I was grossed out by this seemingly larger than necessary animal, I was curious as to its purpose. I was curious as to its importance. I was curious as to its function. I must admit that I wasn't expecting much, and now that I think of it, nothing came of it except for about twenty minutes of my life that I will never get back. On the bright side, at least it's just time I would have spent sleeping. So at least there's that.

This "thing" is called a capybara. I know, I know. You're thinking, "Oh great! Thanks for clearing that up for me!" Well allow me to explain. The capybara is the largest rodent to roam the face of the planet. Pretty gross huh? It's closest relative is a chinchilla, which really doesn't even compare. This is more like a radio active, meteor infected, hopped up on steroids, lab experiment that went terribly wrong to our first grade science class' guinea pig. Let's play a little game. Where would you expect this creature lives? Close your eyes and picture it. If you were thinking under your bed or in your closet, or if you were thinking in thinking in sewage drains under Gothum City, though those are both valid theories, they are incorrect ... I assume. The capybara is native to South America, and it's not even that horrible of an animal. It pretty much just eats grass. Too bad it got the ugly genes.

Speaking of genetic stuff, these things aren't just ugly, but they are gross too. By "gross", I mean, disgustingly large. They can grow up to four feet in length and have been recorded at weights as large as 232 pounds! That's not even the worst part! The worst part is that fossils have been found of the "larger capybara" and I'm sure what they mean by "larger capybara" is "extinct for a reason." The larger capybara wasn't just a little bit larger, but rather EIGHT TIMES BIGGER! (I think I got the chills when I read that. I sincerely felt fear for Adam as he was naming animals. Imagine the line up, "monkey, bear, lion, dragon" and then he saw this thing and yelped in fear, "CAPYBARA!" Perhaps he just left it at that and named the others relative as to get it done sooner. "Larger Capybara, Smaller Capybara, horse, pig... ")

Unfortunately, the capybara doesn't just have bad looks, but it really has nothing going for it. It pretty much eats grass and sadly (for it) seems to be the "favorite food of jaguar, puma, and eagle." Also, did I mention it is the preferred prey of the anaconda. Sad day for the poor capybara. It really only has a shot of living four to eight years in the wild.

To sum up everything. The capybara should not be found on

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