Monday, November 9, 2009

The Walls Are Watching You

The other day I came upon something that was probably not meant to be stumbled upon. As I was leaving the kitchen at the church, upon my decision to turn off the lights, I realized that I was not alone. I saw a single eye watching every move I made. A couple thoughts came to my mind. The first was, "That is very funny." The second was, "Or is it?" The third was, "Okay jokester, is this the kind of game you really want to play with me?"

How did this light switch grow an eye? Evolution? Doubtful... Spontaneous generation? Also doubtful. Somebody placing it there? Possible, but not probable.

I think the walls have ears. I know they have eyes, so I guess ears wouldn't be too far of a stretch. Here is my reasoning for the eye. My guess is that the walls heard about someone eating the cookies and muffins in the fridge. What good is an eye in that situation? Well, if everyone knew that someone was watching them in the kitchen, would they continue to steal muffins and cookies? Probably not, but it certainly doesn't explain the discreetness of the eye.

Theory number two. Someone must get uneasy around light switches. Perhaps they cannot be trusted. (This makes sense with this light switches in particular. You see there are two switches that control the kitchen light. It has always bugged me that if one switch is down, the other is up, and yet the light is still off. Who really understands the complexity of such a system? Not myself, that's for sure.) Besides, every one knows that googly eyes make things less intimidating.

Theory number three. We are all being watched by some third party. I would claim the third party to be Al Gore or the government, but those seem a little far fetched. I would like to suggest that the third party is none other than aliens. I'm pretty sure they are examining us like little science experiments in order that they might one day take over not only our world, but our bodies as well. Why would they be watching us through a kitchen? That is a great question and I would suggest to you that it is because they know that food is important for us earthlings. When we are well fed, we feel strong. When we don't eat we feel weak, like we could just snap or blow over at any minute. What I'm getting at is this: We are not plants. We cannot sustain off of water and sunlight alone. If all of the plants died, well, we would cease to exist. Over time animals would grow hungry, we would go hungry, animals would die, we would die. Plants are important and food is important. The aliens know that, and if they don't, I hope they aren't reading my blog.

To whomever placed the eye on the switch,
I would like to inform you that you are not as discreet as you thought. Let's fix that. Try placing the eye somewhere else and see if I notice.

Undercover Detective,
Elisha Guido

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