Monday, April 19, 2010

Customer Survey

I was recently asked by my Starbucks receipt to take a survey online for a free drink. I obliged. In the comment section I was asked, "Please describe in detail what you liked most about THIS visit to Starbucks."

I responded with the following:

As I entered the building the sweet aroma of freshly brewed coffee and high spirited employees overtook my bodily functions and I knew, I just knew, I had found what my heart had been longing for all day. As I walked in, a crew of highly good looking and friendly spirited workers smiled at me with teeth that shone like the stars in the sky (and I'm talking about the stars that explode and are brighter than any other stars out there) and eyes that said things like, "Yes, you are beautiful", "you're always welcome here, if nowhere else" and "you are strong, independent and you don't need a man to complete yourself."

I made my way to the laboratory and upon entering and I felt a sense of peace. This is not normally the case in public restrooms. I am quite particular. It was the kind of restroom I would seek to escape to in the event of a nuclear attack. It had everything I could ever ask for in a restroom. It had a commode that just screamed, "come rest you tired cheeks on me!" It had a soap dispenser that beckoned my hands to it. The water was just the perfect temperature and all was right, if just for a second, in all of the world.

I made my way out of the restroom toward the counter.

Slightly bashful, as I am, I looked down and noticed the floor (which was hardly even a walking ground, but rather somewhere I would willingly eat food off of). It was as if I was walking into the kings palace! The sun reflected off of the spanking clean floor in such a way that I could practically count the pores on my nose! I curiously made my way to the counter, wondering if perhaps I had been teleported into a cafe in heaven... after all, the people serving drinks were more like angels than earthly beings. I pondered what drink I should consume and it seemed like they already knew what I wanted. Yes, a passion tea lemonade... that would be perfect. As I drank the sweet elixir the green mermaid had provided for me I felt, yet again, like I had been teleported to some higher level of heaven where the Lord allows for tropical islands to explode in mouths of the chosen providing a perfect combination exotic and relaxing flavors. Heaven was in fact, for a moment, having a luau on my tongue.

If there were anything more that I could possibly ask of this particular starbucks, it would be that they would stay open past 9pm. After all, heaven doesn't close it's pearly gates at 9. Packing up my things and leaving place of such comfort and hominess practically killed me, but next time I will go back and enjoy the sensation all over again... as if for the first time.

So you asked what I liked most about THIS visit to Starbucks... Well friend, I would submit to you that I liked the experience best and I look forward to my next one. Perhaps I will be teleported to a land of enchantment where tea parties with Mark Twain and Katherine Hepburn are commonplace and games of crochet with Shakespeare and Jackie-O are more enamoring than the game of chess that Aristotle and George Lopez are playing in the corner garden.

Yes, I look forward to that. I do enjoy myself some Mark Twain and George Lopez.

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