Friday, November 19, 2010

Best Television Your Money Could Buy

Have you ever found yourself thinking that there was more to this life than just sitting around watching television shows about overly dramatic high schoolers singing show tunes and middle aged business men from the 60's that say "what?!" all too often?

Well you've come to the right place for something new. I know what you may be feeling. You're skeptical, unsure, and untrusting. I totally understand those feelings. I felt them all once, but then I had a revelation. It's all about penguins.

I know, that may seem weird, but in all honesty that is where this blog stemmed from. I've since formulated my thoughts into a television show idea that I hope you would be interested in supporting.

Close your eyes and picture this:
A camera pans across the arctic where thousands of penguins are gathering to keep warm through the harshest of months. These penguins have no idea what human civilization is like. They've never seen a fleshling before.
Camera pans out. Off in the distance, all alone is a penguin slowly waddling his way over to the herd. He is a little awkward looking, but that's too be expected from any penguin that has been away from a bird society for as long as this one has been. He makes his way to the huddle. How do the other penguins react? Are they accepting? Are the suspicious? Do they let him in or do they shun him out? Do they attack him out of fear or do they trust him and lead him to the middle of the huddle? Do they crown him king (in their own way, of course) or do they peck him in the eyes?

> Pause.
> Rewind

That's not an awkward penguin huddling toward a herd. It's a man!
Woah! Didn't see that coming.
Clever idea, right?

That's right. That's my proposal. It's a science experiment of sorts. Surely if we can find a man willing to camouflage himself in the most ridiculous of animal outfits* and if we can find a group of animals that have no knowledge of mankind, we, as a human civilization can infiltrate communities throughout the animal kingdom!

Now, maybe you're thinking this would be a stupid show, but let me try to persuade you some more.

Let's say penguins seem a little dumb to watch. Let me propose this. Lions. Now what are you thinking? Are you thinking you would be willing to watch a man go undercover into the den of the king of the jungle? The more dangerous the circumstances, the better the show. After all, isn't that what we've always loved about television? Don't we cling to the suspense? Don't we long for the adrenaline of life and death? Don't we live vicariously through the characters?

There's a time that comes in every child's life where they desire nothing more than to grow up to be their favorite animal. I can still remember the late nights that I longed to grow up as a tiger. Then reality sets in. You grow up. You go to middle school. Everything changes. Those dreams you had to be a lion cub or bobcat or elephant are all laughed upon by kids who've forgotten how to dream and now you're told that it's not physically possible. I'm telling you it is possible. I'm telling you that it can be done. I'm telling you that you can be accepted into family of bears. Even if you aren't "accepted" by them, at least you tried. At least you won't go your whole life wondering, "what if?"

I'm telling you that a show like this is the kind of program that changes lives... for real... It's not just building someone a house. It's not just singing on a stage waiting for people to tell you that you're good enough. I'm telling you that it's a show that can change the way that humans and animals interact. By infiltrating... nay... by joining in with the animal communities we can start forming friendships. Seal once sang, "Time keeps on slipping, slipping, slipping into the future. I want to fly like an eagle to the sea, fly like an eagle..." I'm telling you and the English R&B singer that we don't have to be far off from our wildest (pun intended) dreams.

I've come up with some name ideas.
Man vs. Wilder
and
Favorite Case Scenario: Animal Community Edition!

Also... I understand you still may have doubts. Maybe you're even thinking, "Would I even know if some animal starting pretending to be a human?!" Don't get ridiculous. We're humans. We are far smarter than animals. Even if dolphins (supposed the smartest animals) were to try to impose as humans, I'm sure we would notice. We're smart. We have brains that work... well..ish.


*These costumes would include all the necessary techniques to ensuring a flawless camouflage. Scents would be changed. Vocal technologies would be provided for limited, yet sufficient communication with the species. These sorts of things would be taken care of.

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