Friday, March 11, 2011

Get Happy Fast!


I often find all sorts of people approaching me just to ask the simple question, "How do you stay so happy?" Well friends, I have decided to share with you my top five tricks to happiness. You too can be a little bubble of rainbows and confetti. In just five simple payments of nothing you can be that person who lights up a room with the flash of a smile or the wink of an eye. It's so easy you'll be kicking yourself at the end of the day just to try and bring your happiness down a notch.
So you're asking, "How can I be that happy? How can I make it seem like I have party animal blood and the energy of a baby squirrel?" Well friends, it's easy and it's fun.

Tip #1: Start your day off right.
But how?!
This may seem tricky, but once you get it down you'll be set to have the happiest day of your merry little life. You need to eat breakfast. I'm not talking the usual breakfast burrito or eggs and bacon kind of breakfast. I'm talking about a happy breakfast.
You're going to be eating unicorn for breakfast. But first you need to find one. I know what you're thinking, "Unicorn! Never! I will not eat an endangered species!" Well, first of all, if you want to be happy you will need to eat unicorn for breakfast. Second, unicorns are not "endangered" they are mythological... which means they will live on forever through literature.

Once you manage to rope in a seemingly fictitious creature you're going to need to jump on it and go for a little joy ride. Breakfast needs more ingredients than unicorn. It needs clouds... and lots of them.... and rainbows! Also, if you come across any fireflies, grab some of those, but seeing as it's morning, it may be a little difficult. Fireflies are optional.

Get creative. Make a unicloud smoothie. Or maybe make some cloudy pancakes with rainbow syrup and some unicorn steak on the side. Mix it up. If you want a burrito, go for it. If you want waffles, go for it. Also, feel free to add any happy ingredients you can think of. Some suggestions include sunshine, lollipops, butterflies, and sugar... lots of sugar.... oh! and don't for get baby kisses! (Baby kisses are more of a figurative addition, but if you can add unicorns to your breakfast, how far fetched are baby kisses?)


Tip #2: Exercise.
Now, don't tune me out just yet. Exercise can be fun, and fun is the key to happy. Here is a simple work out regiment you can pick up and have finished in no time at all.

Start with some cardio: Butterfly catching is by far one of the best things you can do to jolt your happiness level up. Grab your net, find a grassy knoll, and start catching little bits of happiness one pretty-winged insect at a time. They'll put up a fight too. These creatures, though seemingly harmless, are quite agressive. I once heard a story about some Monarchs that attacked a boy who was just sipping some lemonade under a large oak. Just picture yourself prancing... nay.... frolicking in a field with a butterfly net and a huge smile on your face. It may as well be raining mini marshmallows and glitter.

Happiness isn't all about cardio. You also need some muscle building. What's my suggestion? Well, since you're asking, I advise chopping down trees... Maybe you're thinking, "Trees!? Please!" Allow me to finish. Not only are you chopping down trees, but as you do this, make sure you have an audience of fairies watching. Fairies are some of the most encouraging creatures that ever didn't roam the earth. Imagine yourself, your strong, happy self, chopping down trees while hundreds of little winged fairies yell out your praises. You better have a smile on your face... and you better not step on one of them. Stepping on a fairy = beaconing death to visit you in your sleep. Stepping on a fairy is an instant killjoy.


Tip #3: Surround yourself with people.
This is important. Your happiness is all relative to the people you're surrounded by. You are going to want to be the happiest person anyone knows. So, what's the remedy? Find the saddest people you know. Surrounding yourself with sad people will quickly make your joy stand out. Don't just hog your joy either. Share it. Make a game of it. Your goal: Be happy and make other people happy. Then people will associate you with "happy".

But how do you make sad people happy? One word... "cookies".
Get creative with cookies. Let your cookies speak of your happiness. Literally, if you can make your cookies talk, you're headed in the right direction. Chocolate chip talking cookies. That has "yes" and "amen" written all over it.


Tip #4: Do something artistic.
I'm not saying that you should pick up ice sculpting or wood working. I'm suggesting that you do something big. I'm suggesting you pick up architecture. Nothing says "happiness" like life size gingerbread houses... unless of course you're Hansel and Gretel. But you're not, so start building your sweet structures! Include every candy that man has ever seen. Make tree houses. Make sheds. Make mansions. Make apartment complexes. Include the chocolate swimming pool and don't forget to add the gingerbread lawn decorations. When I think about being happy, I picture myself surrounded by all that mother sugar has to offer. This is the most delicious tip I have for you regarding your happiness.


Tip #5: Don't forget to get a full night's sleep.
Nothing is more unpleasant than waking up after a miserable night of sleep.
I suggest a mattress made of swan feathers and blankets stolen from the Queen herself. Once you master lucid dreaming you'll be fully capable of turning your commonplace dream of work and life into a dream where you are ruler over all the woodland creatures. You'll be able to control their every move and their every thought, because well, this is your dream and you can do whatever you like. The best part is that you can make every aspect of your dream happier than a baby with a popsicle. Your dreams are your subjects! You control them! You tell them what to do! And they are happy about it!

So there you have it. That's how I stay happy. Every once in a while I'll throw in a couple games of bowling, but that's not too often... my bowling game is not very good.

If you have any questions or start showing side effects, just give me a little ring-a-ling and we'll talk through whatever issues you have. My treatment is most often a hug and a smile. Maybe a wink and a nod.

Just tell yourself, "Today I will be happier than a bird with a french fry!"

UPDATE 3.13.11: UNICORN MEAT!


3 comments:

Anonymous said...

This blog sounds like Alice in Wonderland and all that it represents.

Danielle Josephsen Photography said...

I like your style! Keep it comin!

Darlene said...

Love this! Made me smile :)