Thursday, May 5, 2011

Reasons Why I Don't Have A Pet Dinosaur:

Don't let that cute little face fool you. Dinosaurs are not adorable and they do not use serving utensils!

Some people think that having a pet dinosaur would be the bees knees. Some people think they could just do whatever they want if they had a pet dinosaur. Some people think that they would be powerful and all high and mighty. Some people think that a pet dinosaur would solve all their problems. Some people are ignorant. All of those people are ignorant.

There is only one scenario in which wishing to have a pet dinosaur is acceptable and that one scenario is if you are a two year old who doesn't have parents to smack some sense into you.

Here are some reasons why pet dinosaurs are not a good idea.

1. Your dinosaur will be your only friend because your dinosaur will eat any other friends you may have once had. Fact: Dinosaurs have serious jealousy issues.

2. Your dinosaur will be your only source of entertainment because your dinosaur will step on your computer that you just took a loan out for, your dinosaur will eat the flat screen television that you just bought with your tax return, and your dinosaur will use those court side tickets you just got to that really awesome game as it's pooping grounds... and believe me, you don't want to venture through dinosaur matter.... bad idea... but I shouldn't need to tell you that. Fact: Dinosaurs hate when you are entertained by anything other than the size of their banana brains.

3. Your dinosaur will not fit in your house unless you are super rich and have super high ceilings... and since you're reading this post, chances are you are not rich enough to own a house large enough to accommodate the needs of a growing dinosaur. Fact: Dinosaurs grow large and if you want a dinosaur that isn't large than you don't really want a dinosaur. You just want a reptile. Just go to the zoo.

With all that said... don't get a dinosaur as a pet.

UNLESS.... you plan on using it to give me a ride to work everyday. I always wanted to ride a dinosaur to work... I also would require that you give me a crossbow when I travel... oh and a sombrero.


ALSO... there are forums online where people talk about what they would name their hypothetical dinosaur or pet rock.
I would name mine Lawrence because all things that are not humans should have very human names. Just ask my pet rock Charles.

1 comment:

Tyler Joseph Thorney said...

I'll tell you why I don't have a dinosaur.... 1.) because turkeys are the closest living species to a velociraptor, and when I see one, all I want to do is set it on fire. So, if I owned a velociraptor... I would probably end up setting it on fire. 2.) If dinosaurs were not extinct, my guess is that civilian ownership of one would be illegal.
Follow my logic?