Wednesday, June 15, 2011

The Truth About Fritos and Corn Nuts

Here's something that's nothing new to anyone on the face of the planet:
Fritos and Corn Nuts smell like steamy dumpsters.

So, in light of this not so new news, I am going to break it all down for you.

The truth about both of them? They'll make your breath smell so bad that every time you open your mouth an angel will lose it's wings.

Frito's: They will taste good in your chili and that's about all they have going for them.
Corn Nuts: They will taste good never.

Corn Nuts are the child that was totally neglected by it's parents due to it's inability to ever smell healthy and it's publicly humiliating bad looks. This is the kind of snack that you NEVER EVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE consume in public nor if you ever plan to go in public again. This is the kind of snack that if you are going to eat it, you better have already given up completely on life. You better have nothing else to go for in the world... in which case, enjoy your couch, your reality television and your bag of corn nuts and cheese wiz. Corn nuts are bad breath in a bag. If you could package up morning breath and sell it to people, you would be the person who came up with corn nuts. Also, did I mention that corn nuts shoes are so lame I wouldn't be surprised if they were Berkinstocks with high socks... actually, they look like keds.
I'm going to break down the anatomy of a Frito chip. This chip is like the cool older brother of the Corn Nut. It basically is the same thing; it smells, it tastes like something that came as a result of taking all the chips that fall on the floor in the Lays factory mixing them with old and moldy corn and putting it in a bag. The only thing Frito's have that Corn Nuts don't have is cool sneakers... oh, and Frito's don't smell as bad as Corn Nuts. But on a scale of one to paper cuts with salt poured on top, I give Frito's the score of just as bad as paper cuts with salt.

1 comment:

Roberta said...

I like fritos and bean dip!!!