Thursday, June 27, 2013

We hate socks

When it comes to the hierarchy of our clothing, socks are definitely at the bottom.

We use them all the time, and that's nice and everything, but when they're dirty we just drop them on the floor, push them to the corner, toss them in the closet and lose them under the bed. Worthless. There is nothing more disgusting to us than the idea of using them again in their filth. They lose so much value once we've worn them out. They are just a dirty has been of our busy, sweaty footed day. We care about them the most when they are unused, we detest them most when they've fulfilled their duty of protecting our feet from the harsh wilderness of our insoles.

Once we run out of clean socks it's almost their own fault! "Where are all my clean socks?!" We think. "I thought I had more of these stupid, inconvenient things?! How can they all be dirty!?" We say. "Didn't I just wash a load of them the other... week??" Then we let it pass in our mind for a moment, "maybe, just MAYBE, it wouldn't be THAT bad to reuse a dirty sock..." But we feel tainted at the thought. How tarnished they make us feel! How contaminated and feral indeed! We would even rather go without them to roam concrete jungle barefoot. And it's all their own fault... because they have become dirty.

Socks are like the ugly sweatpants we wore in middle school gym class. They are gross and everyone would rather not wear them.

They are the least appreciated of all the things we wear around. Yeah, we love our jeans, care for our hats, our shirts are cool, even the underwear gets some respect, after all- underwear really is a necessity (or at least socially necessity)... but not the socks. They are just socks. I mean, a sock is really pretty worthless on its own. It at least needs it's match to be seriously considered. It's not allowed in our beds, it's not allowed in our hearts. It's allowed our hampers and in the corner of the bathroom floor, with all the other unclean items. Because it's just a sock. As far as I'm concerned, socks might as well be underwear with holes... ie. the worst.

Application: My mom taught me a valuable lesson when I was younger. When socks would get holes in them, she taught me to always tear the hole open as big as possible as to never wear it again... which is good, unless it's my grey socks, the grey socks which I love. When those get a hole I will just hold them and weep at their imminent fate... or turn them into sock puppets are carry them around everywhere!

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