Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Trials of Today (A draft from June of 2011)

I must preface- I tend to keep a significant amount of drafts saved up in here. Occasionally I find one that is just as fitting today as it was when I first wrote it. This is such one.

"It's fascinating to me the ways in which my God works.

Over the last year I have purposed to meet with a friend once a week as we have walked through life. We have read through more than half of the Bible and have read several of the books multiple times. We have exchanged the depths of our souls and have blessed each other (though I think I've been blessed more) through the sharpening of our faith through discipleship. I am truly blessed.

Rachel (my friend) and I were talking about how good God is. We do that often, but this time we were speaking of his timing. I feel like every week we come together and share how God is working in our lives and how we have been challenged, encouraged, etc. Every week is very similar for me. I usually come into the coffee shop and say, "This encouraged me, this didn't move me, blah, blah, blah."

Then the next week comes along... like a freight train moving at a hundred miles an hour. That's when what I read hits me... and freight trains don't hit you like a stray ping pong ball. Freight trains hit you like... well... a freight train.

I've kind of come to realize that whatever I'm reading now is, without a doubt, going to make it's way into my life VERY soon. So when I start reading through Job I know it's time to buckle down.

Did I mention we started reading Job this week?

The last month has proved to be one of more growth than I've ever experienced. It's been one of the most challenging months of my life, but not for any particular reason. I haven't seen great loss. I haven't faced illness. I haven't been persecuted. I haven't even been overwhelmed.

I've been stretched. I've been sharpened. And it's hurt.

What I'm getting at is that sometimes my soul aches deeply, too deep for words... and I don't know why... and I don't know how to explain it.

But it's in that aching I realize how deep my dependance is on the Lord and how, though in pain, my desire is to know him better. It's in that strange unease that I've found myself over longing for more and more of Him.

"But, Oh God, though it may seem more than I can bare, keep me in this place for the rest of my life if it means I can see you as clearly as I do now. Surely I would face this heartache all the days of my life if it meant for you more glory. In all things let me be found faithful."

(expound thoughts from prayer and it's power)

In the end, the valley I am in has shown God more brightly. In the end the growth in my life has been exponential. In the end- it doesn't matter what I go through, as long as I gain more of Jesus.

"Though the fig tree may not blossom,
nor fruit be on the vines;
Though the labor of the olive may fail,
And the fields yield no food;
Though the flock may be cut off from the fold,
And there be no herd in the stalls-
Yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will joy in the God of my salvation."
-Habakkuk 3:17-18

Jesus is good always and to always cry out, "Please Lord, more and more of you." is enough for me."

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